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The fifth visit to Saigon & the adoption ceremony
March 2006
This is the fifth and last visit to Saigon, and thank God because I have had enough of going back and forth. Departure from Hanoi Sunday night, March 12 and arrival late past midnight. This time I have decided to stay at Betty Guest House which is a bit more expensive (8$ instead of 5$) but the owner is nice and likes kids, plus he and his wife speak good French, which is comforting. Monday morning, I run a few errands so that I have what I need such as diapers, juice – and then I take the bus to the orphanage. The big day has finally arrived and I can’t believe it! Once at the orphanage, I go to see Mrs. Yen to give the donation of 47 million dong (3 000 US$), this little fortune which I have been keeping at my apartment bit by bit. They bring me Rémi who has a crying fit and as usual, it takes me some time to calm him down. I am worried about taking the bus with him when we leave the orphanage the hotel and wait for the adoption ceremony in the afternoon.
Rémi seems fragile and cries quite a bit while we wait for the bus and also once we get on. I managed to calm him and he quiets down after awhile. At least, he is not pulling a full tantrum but only cries a little which is easier to manage in public. We have lunch at our hotel then take a taxi for the office of the Ministry of Justice and we arrive early at around 3 pm. The vice-principal of the orphanage is supposed to be there for the ceremony but he only arrives at 4 pm. Rémi cries and I manage to calm him again as people in the large waiting room look on. Two other adopting couples come for the ceremony but we are told that Mrs Binh who is to perform the formalities is in a meeting and we have to wait for her to begin. Rémi sleeps on the chair thanks to the natural relaxing pill I put in his juice. It is easier that way. 5 pm comes around and still Mre Binh has not shown up, and now they are closing the office. I am worried that they will postpone the ceremony for the next day but finally, she does come around and we begin signing the registry one parent after the other. We each get the critical adoption papers, take a picture of the auspicious moment and we are done in 7 minutes. We have made it! The adoption is now official and I am the father of An Thanh Nguyen or Rémi as I already call him. Wow, what a great day this is!
Back at the guest house, I ask the owner if the young man who works there part-time could babysit Rémi in my room as I run around the city to do paperwork and he agrees. So the next day, Tuesday morning, I leave Rémi in good hands and run to get all documents photocopied and certified, then I take them all to the passport office to submit the application. There are so many people waiting but eventually I am shown to an office where I am told to wait for an officer who deals with adoption cases. When she arrives, she checks all documents which seem in order and I am given a slip saying that the passport will be ready in 3 weeks.… I then go to the translation office but I am told that I must first get the photocopies certified before getting them translated. Back to the certification office and then again across town to the translation office. But then I am told that certain documents cannot be translated because I need the original which I submitted with the passport request. Back to the passport office to get the original papers back and hand them certified copies instead. Finally in the afternoon I manage to hand in all documents but much to my surprise, the bill is quite high, about 100$ and they inform me that it will take 4 days! Then I contact a middle person who can help me get the passport in 2 days instead of 3 weeks for a fee of 350$, which I know by now is the running price. I give her the money and cross my fingers that all will go well...Now all we need to do is wait for the translation and the passport.
Rémi gets attached to the young man who babysits him and I am relieved. Having him gives me a chance to do my errands and gives me a break from caring for him which I need. He often cries and does not eat much which is not easy for me but we still manage to get through the day relatively well and I get used bit by bit to being a father. Wednesday afternoon, we go to the photographer for the passport photos. He cries and won’t cooperate, but the man is patient and kind. He speaks to Rémi softly and takes a few shots to get him used to it. Eventually, we get a good one and I am relieved. Funny how such a simple thing can be such a difficult ordeal.
I am learning tricks « of the trade » and manage now to get him to stop crying. If I go to the park and I get to sit down with him in my arms and he cries, I put him down on the ground and he cries also. Then I give him a choice: either to stay in my arms as I sit or to be on his own on the ground. And so he chooses to stay in my arms and stops crying while I get to sit and relax. So the big revelation for me is that I need to stay in control and I can do this by giving him choices and I found that this always works. It’s either this or that. I find it hard to always carry him in my arms especially when I am walking, so I have to get a harness. But I was worried whether he would let me use it but he seemed to like it right away which was a relief for me. Now I can get around with him without forcing my back and my arms so we are learning to live together and adapt to each other’s capabilities. He did not eat much at meals these days so this is not easy for me. I worry. One night, I stopped at the fast food Loteria to buy a burger with fries, and I had planned to give him a rice soup with pork. But he wouldn’t eat it so I tried to give him fries and he loved them. So I went back to Loteria to buy a large fries and this was his dinner! Already a fast food junky on my hands!
Thursday morning I get a call confirming that the passport will be ready in the afternoon. So I went to the passport office at 3:30 pm, waited for awhile, nervous, and one-hour later I got Rémi’s passport. Wow, another critical step accomplished and to check off on the long list. Then I went to get notarized copies of the passport and scanned it also to send to CECI office. Friday morning, the big day and the last stretch before I head back to Hanoi tomorrow. I finally go to pick up the translated documents but I had to wait over an hour. Then, once I get them, I head for the Bureau of External Affaires to get yet another stamp so that the notarized translation of documents can be recognized internationally. Once there, they ask for a photocopy of each document to keep but I have not made these and of course, they do not have a photocopying service nearby. So off I go to get the copies done but when I return, I am told that this will take 2 days! I freak out and we agree that they will do one copy of each document right away and that I can pick them up in the afternoon. It does not make sense to me that they cannot put a stamp on all copies but they insist that this is not possible. I figure that I will have to go to External Affaires in Hanoi to get the others done.
Then I go by the Canadian Embassy to submit the application for citizenship and entry visa for Canada. But I am told that they do not accept any applications on Fridays! Another obstacle and disappointment! So I ask to speak to the consul and eventually I get to meet his assistant. In the end she sympathises with me and she agrees to take both applications but asks that I bring the documents stamped by External Affaires in the afternoon. She also offers to provide the entry visa at 2 pm the same day instead of waiting 10 days. Ouff, finally a relief. So I go back to the guest house, then to the Internet café to scan more documents for CECI and finally I drop by to book 2 plane tickets for Hanoi for the next day. I have had enough of red tape and Saigon and cannot wait to leave and go home to Ba Thuoc.
Rémi helped me to pack our bags but once they were all done, he got scared and started to cry. I gave him juice with the relaxing pill and then we took a taxi with 2 other Canadians heading for the airport. The trip went well as did the check in at the counter. During the flight, he slept for most of it so it was not a problem. Once in Hanoi, we took a shuttle bus downtown then a taxi to the hotel and all went well. He cried a bit, but nothing like I had feared. What a relief it was to arrive at the hotel at 11:30 pm and check into our room. We had made it again, a new victory with regards to traveling together for the first time! We both slept well and the next day we went for a walk. The weather was nice and cool after the hot and humid climate of Saigon. Myriam, Brent and Érica were all in Hanoi and came over to meet Rémi. I then ran a few errands and took a taxi with Rémi to the bus station. I had yet again given Rémi juice with relaxing pill so he slept for most of the 6 hour trip from Hanoi to Ba Thuoc. He did wake up a few times and seemed relaxed as he looked outside. Arrival in Ba Thuoc at 7 pm, and our journey has ended at home. All my efforts with the adoption brought me to this moment…
Being home, it was now easier with more space and more time to spend with him. I had to child-proof the house and set high up on shelves breakable things! Slowly, our routine got set and he adjusted to his new environment. He was now eating everything including mashed potatoes, toast with peanut butter, beef stew, spaghetti, banana cake, soup and yogourt. He usually got up at around 7-8 am, and we would soon after have our breakfast. I managed to clean the apartment with him around, do the cooking and even chant a little with him by my side, playing with his Mega Bloks. The day after our arrival in Ba Thuoc, I went with the help of Huyen to try to find a babysitter. The owner of my place recommended Mrs Hang, and already starting with Sunday she came in the afternoon for 4 hours to care for Rémi so I could have a bit of free time, and she only costs me 50 cents per hour! Mrs Hang came back each day from 1-5 pm, and already Monday afternoon, I was back at work which felt good! Rémi got fond of Mrs Hang quickly since she kept picking him up in her arms much more then I did, but when I would come home and tried to pick him up from her he would cry each time. Eventually I asked her not to pick him up so much and definitely to put him down when I arrived home.
Life was now much easier then it had been in a Saigon hotel room. Rémi laughs a lot more each day and seems to be adapting well to his new life. He no longer cries when I change his clothes which is nice for me. We walk up and down the main street in Ba Thuoc and people are curious to meet Rémi. Everyone in our small town knows that I adopted him but Rémi seems wary of them when they approach us and hides behind me. At home, he goes to bed after lunch for a nap so that when Mrs. Hang arrives, he is fast asleep and the transition is easy. He usually sleeps until 3 pm. When I get home after work, I make dinner, then we eat and finally I give him a bath. Then I sit with him in front of my computer and we watch the cartoon Teletubies for about 20 minutes before bedtime! He seems to like it, the colourful characters and the music, tho his concentration span is not very long. For bedtime, I lie down with him and wait for him to be asleep before getting up again to do things or watch a movie.
This week I tried to get him to use a pot for his pee instead of the diaper. He did not like this too much and I followed him around with the pot but each time, when I was not looking, he would pee on the floor! So I gave up and figured I would try again later and they say it can take up to 6 months to get a boy clean. But we have now started our life together and have all the time in the world. We are a family and in 2 weeks we will leave Vietnam and go home to Canada for one month to introduce him to my parents, brother, sisters and friends…it’s the beginning of our life together…
