The Adoption of Simon in Vietnam in 2011

Now that the adoption is thru against all odds, I feel very blessed and want to put behind the difficult adoption process. Still, I find it important to write about it here to complete the cycle and in case someday Simon wants to know how he came to join our family.

Some of my friends and family may remember that when I was in Burkina Faso in 2007-8, I submitted an application for adoption and even got a lawyer to support me. At the time I was hoping to adopt a little orphan girl named Elody. After many months of following up with the Ministry there, I still never got an answer, and the lawyer was of no use. I left a bit disappointed and put the adoption project aside. When the opportunity to work for VECO in Vietnam came around in late 2008, I was eager to try my luck again. I figured that with Remi now healthy and happy, it was a sure thing and it would not be difficult to adopt a second child in Vietnam. When I arrived in Hanoi I went to the Ministry of Justice and met with the director of the Department of International Adoptions (DIA), Mr. Long. He had put thru Remi’s adoption and assured me that a second one would be no problem. So I slowly started to get the documents ready – the health check-up, criminal record, etc.

By the time June 2009 came around, the 6 month waiting period had passed and I was ready to submit my dossier. I was then informed that Mr. Long was no longer director and that it was now Mr. Nguyen Van Binh. He was said to be more difficult which was slowing down the adoption process. I was also informed that I could no longer submit my adoption dossier until I had found a child. I had hoped that like Mr. Long who had referred me to an orphanage, Mr. Binh would be willing to do the same. But no. I was also told that I am on my own and that he never meets with individual adoptants. I was given a list of orphanages and told to contact them which I did. I wanted to adopt a girl and was hoping to find one 2-3 years old which would be easier for me to care for than a new born baby but in the end I did not find one. A friend of mine told me there was a baby girl in an orphanage in Hai Phong so we went to visit her. But soon thereafter the grandparents of the girl came to claim her. There were so few children in orphanages and by October 2009, I had finally found a 3 month baby girl in a Hanoi orphanage. I agreed with the director to adopt her but we still had to wait 2-3 months for the orphanage to put ads in newspaper and TV to look for the biological family or for Vietnamese willing to adopt her.

In January 2010 the papers of little Nguyen Thi Gai were ready and because so much time had passed since last June, I had to redo of few of my documents including the health check-up. Right before the lunar new year of Tet, I submitted the adoption dossier. After Tet, I waited and waited and finally in a round-about way I was told that the Ministry was not comfortable with a single man adopting a girl. We were a bit stuck tho because they could not refuse me officially since the law allowed me to adopt her, and I could not withdraw the application. Eventually after many visits to the Ministry, the adoption of the girl was “cancelled” and I was told that adoption of a boy would probably be OK. The same orphanage had a 1 year old baby boy but when I saw him, I could tell that he had mental problems and was not normal. So I refused.

In April 2010 I found a 3-year old boy in a Viet Tri orphanage 2 hours from Hanoi and agreed with the director to take him to the French Hospital for a health check-up – the blood tests revealed that he was Hepatitis B positive. I went in a frenzy of Internet research and sent emails to friends working in the health sector to get more info on this virus. Finally I came to the conclusion that I still wanted to adopt Nguyen Sinh Hung and would find ways to deal with his medical condition so I submitted an application to the Ministry for his adoption. We then let the process of getting the papers of the boy ready to happen and in May, all documents were sent to the Ministry which now had both my dossier and the one of the child. I waited and waited but got no news. I tried many times to get in touch with the Ministry and finally one staff recommended that I get a home study done. She said it might improve my case if an expert were to give a recommendation in my favor. So I looked around and found a psychologist in Hanoi willing to do the study. I had 2 meetings with her and then she came to our house and met with our house help, Uyen and Mrs. Hop, as well as with Remi. She also contacted 2 of my friends to collect information. After a month, we got a report which was quite positive so I submitted this to the Ministry in May. Soon after the summer vacation came around and I still had no news. I figured I might as well back off a little and hope that over the summer things would fall into place. But they didn’t and when I came back in August, there were still no news. I decided to go to the orphanage to visit Simon and it was great to see him but hard to leave him behind, not sure if he would join our family…

I then decided to hire a lawyer who has handled adoption cases before and knows well all staff at the Ministry including the director. I had hoped that with someone in the game, the adoption would go thru quickly, maybe within a couple of weeks. It didn’t. Mr. Binh finally agreed to meet with me and basically said that we needed an agreement for the adoption from the Canadian government but he knows (or should know) that this is not possible. He said he would write a letter to the Embassy asking for this. By then it was early October and the Embassy got the letter and informed me that they first needed to get advice from Ottawa. I waited and waited and finally in December they issued a letter to Mr. Binh which was exactly the same as a letter previously issued by the Embassy. Mr. Binh was furious and faced with the non-support of the Embassy, rejected the adoption and informed the orphanage verbally.

I was shocked by the letter from the Embassy and asked for a meeting and an explanation. I was told that the letter was a mistake and that a new one would be issued. Relieved that there might still be hope but stressed that we needed to move quickly, the Embassy said that yet again they needed to confer with the Canadian Authorities. Many emails and calls to the Embassy as the weeks went by and finally between Xmas and New year, a new letter was issued. A few days later I got the good news that the Ministry had approved the adoption. We then waited for the official letter which set the wheels in motion and on January 15th 2011, I asked the orphanage to come to visit Hung/Simon. Since the adoption was approved, I was allowed to take Simon back with us to Hanoi. 3 days later on January 18th, we both return to Viet Tri for the adoption ceremony.

Simon just walked into our lives like he belonged with us and his adaptation has gone well beyond my most optimistic expectations. He is open, funny and affectionate. At first he could not eat well since he’d only had rice soup at the orphanage so he did not know how to chew and would gag on food. But slowly I got him to learn how to chew and not swallow food whole, and within a couple of weeks he was eating very well and a great variety of foods. Remi loves having a young brother and even tho he can still learn how to be more responsible when he’s with Simon, it is great seeing them together. They sleep in the same bed and it feels great having Simon in our family. The hardest part about the adoption was not knowing if we would succeed or not. But now that it is over and done with, we can move on with our family life and feel very blessed to have Simon with us! We have many people to thank for their support as I know that for most a single man adopting must have seemed quite strange. I will always be grateful and now our family is complete.