Nepali wedding

December 7, 2006

Nepali weddingI always find it interesting to know how couples meet and marry. In Nepal, my colleague says that over 90% of marriages are still arranged today, usually by the parents of the groom-to-be. But more and more today especially in big cities, young people want to choose who they marry and do it for love. The more traditional wedding seems to be based on respect and obligations of the wife to bear children and of the husband to support his family. For sure it is a carefully planned affair, looking at caste consideration, education of the man and his ability to provide, standing in society and other factors which are very important in Nepali culture. In the past but rarely today in remote areas, people could get promised at age 5, and often got married as early as age 12-18. I have met many who married at the very young age of early 20s. Definitely, Nepali marriages have a tendency to last and marriages and divorces are not very common. If there is a divorce, which is rare, the man usually can remarry whereas this is not so possible for the woman. But work is not easy to find in Nepal so many married women I know have a husband away from home, either working in the big city or most often, overseas in Dubai, Doha, or other main cities of Asia. A woman near my work has a small shop with barely a few articles to sell, and 3 teenage kids to feed and educate. Her husband cannot find work so he stays in their home village. How can she possibly make ends meet?

Wedding buffetRecently, the house behind mine had a huge wedding for their son, at least that's what it looked like it was going to be: Xmas blinking lights with wheels and the works as well as a huge colorful gazebo was set up. I was told that a wedding lasts three days with some loud Hindi music and friends and family who come by to wish the new couple well. I was told though that weddings are very expensive and a mix of happiness and sadness for the family of the bride. Indeed, they have to prepare a generous "dowry" which can include a television, a refrigerator, furniture and things to give to the groom's family. Plus, they often get to pay for the whole wedding. The men's side hands over their son who will work to support the family. I was surprised to find out that only the guests of the bride give a present, money or otherwise. Guests of the groom usually don't. Still, I was left wondering what Nepali weddings were really like...

Just last week and much to my surprise, I was invited to the wedding of our office landlady's nephew. He is a smart young man doing his doctorate in the United States and speaks perfect English. He has come back to Nepal to marry a woman highly praised by his parents as the good wife potential. I was not surprised that he would marry a Nepali because that seems understandable, but a total stranger? Along with my colleagues, I showed up for the wedding curious to finally get the jist of this festive occasion. There was the inevitable tent set up, but this time I got to go in as a guest. Right near the entrance were the groom and bride sitting to welcome incoming friends and family, and after the usual Namaste and well wishes, people proceed to the line for the buffet. And what a spread! All nice hot dishes, curries, veggies, meats, rice, thin chips and one by one, we all fill our plates before sitting down in rows without tables. This starts at 1 pm and goes on to the wee hours, apparently. And this is the wedding reception on the third day - 600-700 people that come to wish the newlyweds well and eat great food. The guest list is not formalized like back home. Here, family members can invite who they want, so it really becomes a community event, all decked in their best clothes for the occasion...

Wedding guestsDay one sees the groom's close family go to the bride's home, in this case it was in Pokhara about 4 hours away. They go to meet the bride's family, and in the afternoon have a similar tented buffet with between 300-400 guests. However, it is a sad occasion for most with many guests crying since they are saying goodbye to the bride who will now bravely leave her home and friends to go live with her husband and his family. In the evening the families get together alone and have a Hindu priest come and do the wedding rituals for the couple. They rest for the night and the next day head for the groom's home, in this case Bharatpur, Chitwan. So on day 2 they get ready, and the men and women do some dancing to Hindi and Nepali music. Then the big day which I attended where guests come and go at the festive event. So that's the Nepali way. One can only assume that it works well here and wish the newlyweds all the happiness in the world.